I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
