They should really pass out barf bags in church
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
