I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
