After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
