Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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