I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
