does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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