Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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