YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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