So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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