ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
