His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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