Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
