i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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