Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
