That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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