You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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