dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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