i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
