Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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