This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
