i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Loading more great texts...