You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
