no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
