Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
