Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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