Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
