Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
