I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he puts the penis in happiness.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
