Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
