I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I intend to get homeless drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
