...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
