I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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