Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
