Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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