Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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