Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
