so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
