Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
