He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
