she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
