that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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