I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
