I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
