Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
