But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
