did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK