you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes