the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes