guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
