she kept yelling 'call me bella'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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