I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank