I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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