a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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