She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
