So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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