If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
