I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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