is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just blew my weed a kiss
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
