On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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