My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
