did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
