Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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