Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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