there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
