my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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