Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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