Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
