I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
