Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
