haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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