I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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