bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
