1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
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call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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