so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
