Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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